Feelings overwhelm.
Don’t ask me to bare my heart.
Too much pain lives there.
***
Right now, I feel the limit of the horizon before me.
I have some time with my furry boy. And yet, it seems to extend the time of grieving.
I’m having a hard time being in the moment when I feel “the end” rushing up on me.
I want to take joy in the moments we have, and yet I’m struggling to feel anything.
After the flood of tears and “anticipatory grief” and the intensity of diagnosis/treatment options/decision-making, my brain and my heart are just tired. I am craving respite from the ongoing drama of life approaching death.
I’m struggling with how to “be” in this moment.
A part of me wants to shut down. Another part wants to take joy in each moment he is able to sit in the sunshine and turn his head toward me and gaze into my eyes.
And then there’s the part that just want to break things.
How do I stay in the posture of love and gratitude when the life of my beloved friend is slipping away from me?
A Streak of Teal 