silence

I am sorry
For my silence. 

A part of me
Sees your name
And panics.

In my gut
In my chest
Swirls of fear

Heart races
Breath shortens
“Run away, run away,”
The voice in my head
Shouts.

Snap shut.
Turn away.
Will myself
To stop thinking
Stop the retching,
Think of anything else.

And because I know not
What to do,
What to say,
How to stop the panic …

I am silent.