EOD

detritus of fraud
consequences blossoming
spirit walk with me

just as I’m buckling down to prepare for hip replacement surgery in less than 6 weeks, the bank informs me they’ve closed my checking account. so that’s why my debit card didn’t work at the restaurant. it was the nefarious AI company which subscribed me to their elite service without authorization and continued to hide behind an endless string of messages from their bot service reps. no human agent despite repeated requests. their response to a stop payment order? switch merchant ID. that’s probably what caused the bank to determine my account was at risk and the safest thing they could do to protect my funds was to shut it down. now, two days before my monthly annuity check lands via direct deposit. three days before my mortgage is withdrawn from the funds provided by my annuity check. yes, the proverbial domino effect. the back of my neck and shoulders is tight, of course. that’s where anxiety always lands in my body. there was a time when the back of my shoulders was hard as concrete 24/7. I was that anxious. all the time. didn’t even notice it. rock hard shoulders was my normal state of being. that was pre-therapy. pre-equine assisted somatic therapy. it took a long time. and I was really mad about it. no, you don’t understand I wanted to shout. eventually, I surrendered to a horse named Parome. and the concrete shoulders cracked open. and now, I know when the back of my neck and shoulders starts to stiffen up it’s my body showing me how I really feel about what’s going on. it’s not a bad thing. it’s just information for me. of course I’m anxious. especially now. late at night. imagining all the things that could go wrong. what might happen if we’re too late to catch the direct deposit. why wasn’t I more aggressive this afternoon in sitting down with the bank manager to at least identify the big “hits.” what was wrong with me? why was I so blasé. really, I was just little stunned. I needed a minute to process. I wasn’t fully processing the consequences and the timing of those consequences. plus, my hip hurts like hell. all the time. 9 out of 10. and I have 10 other things on my mind. so I’m human. I will help from the bank tomorrow morning. we will take things one step at a time. I have lots of documentation. I am well-prepared to handle this. the bank is well-prepared to help me. things may not all go smoothly. there may be some bumps along the way. but there will be a way to resolve everything, each in its own way and time. all will be well. I am breathing. spirit is with me. and the back of my neck and shoulders feels smooth and relaxed.