Tag: health

7.28.26

~ Saoirse Charis-Graves ~ Leave a comment

EOD

detritus of fraud
consequences blossoming
spirit walk with me

just as I’m buckling down to prepare for hip replacement surgery in less than 6 weeks, the bank informs me they’ve closed my checking account. so that’s why my debit card didn’t work at the restaurant. it was the nefarious AI company which subscribed me to their elite service without authorization and continued to hide behind an endless string of messages from their bot service reps. no human agent despite repeated requests. their response to a stop payment order? switch merchant ID. that’s probably what caused the bank to determine my account was at risk and the safest thing they could do to protect my funds was to shut it down. now, two days before my monthly annuity check lands via direct deposit. three days before my mortgage is withdrawn from the funds provided by my annuity check. yes, the proverbial domino effect. the back of my neck and shoulders is tight, of course. that’s where anxiety always lands in my body. there was a time when the back of my shoulders was hard as concrete 24/7. I was that anxious. all the time. didn’t even notice it. rock hard shoulders was my normal state of being. that was pre-therapy. pre-equine assisted somatic therapy. it took a long time. and I was really mad about it. no, you don’t understand I wanted to shout. eventually, I surrendered to a horse named Parome. and the concrete shoulders cracked open. and now, I know when the back of my neck and shoulders starts to stiffen up it’s my body showing me how I really feel about what’s going on. it’s not a bad thing. it’s just information for me. of course I’m anxious. especially now. late at night. imagining all the things that could go wrong. what might happen if we’re too late to catch the direct deposit. why wasn’t I more aggressive this afternoon in sitting down with the bank manager to at least identify the big “hits.” what was wrong with me? why was I so blasé. really, I was just little stunned. I needed a minute to process. I wasn’t fully processing the consequences and the timing of those consequences. plus, my hip hurts like hell. all the time. 9 out of 10. and I have 10 other things on my mind. so I’m human. I will help from the bank tomorrow morning. we will take things one step at a time. I have lots of documentation. I am well-prepared to handle this. the bank is well-prepared to help me. things may not all go smoothly. there may be some bumps along the way. but there will be a way to resolve everything, each in its own way and time. all will be well. I am breathing. spirit is with me. and the back of my neck and shoulders feels smooth and relaxed.

Day One: Sustainability

~ Saoirse Charis-Graves ~ 2 Comments

a poem a day in the month of may
The Liminality Journal — Kaitlin Curtice

It’s the little bits.
Sustain-ability is
done in small, slow steps.

Having turned 71 last month, I’ve been focussed on “a year of healthy living.” I’m not counting steps or calories. I do not own a scale for checking my weight. I’m not looking at macros or banning carbs. (My system, however, does not tolerate dairy or gluten.)

I do check the pedometer on my Apple Watch but not because I’ve set a goal for a certain number of steps. It’s more like checking my pulse. More a question for me to monitor: How am I doing with movement so far today?

I am also keeping a food journal. Time of day, general description of what I’ve consumed, precipitating event, sensations in my body, thoughts, feelings. Not attempting to change anything. Just noticing what’s happening and look for patterns. I’ve discovered much of my eating is unconscious, without actually tasting or enjoying the food. And that’s something I aim to change, as my intention for healthy living is to enjoy the food I eat and feel good afterwards. 

I’m also logging other health factors, mainly because I want to support my body in living a good life over the next few years … because I’ve finally learned that caring for myself matters … because I’ve finally learned I am worthy of love, no matter what. 

It seems that caring about myself in these small moments of movement and savoring my food and supporting my body are part of living well. Of loving myself well. Now and in the time to come.